Diagnosis, identity and understanding
Talking to a child about autism, ADHD, dyslexia or another diagnosis can feel daunting. The conversation does not need to be perfect or contain everything at once. It can begin with a simple, honest explanation and grow as your child’s understanding develops.
Parents sometimes worry that naming a diagnosis will make a child feel different. However, many children already know that some experiences feel easier or harder for them than for other people. Without an explanation, they may create their own—and it may be far more negative than the truth.
A diagnosis should not be presented as something shameful, a punishment or the whole of the child’s identity. It is information that may help the child understand how their brain works, recognise what helps and ask for appropriate support.
The aim is understanding—not one perfect conversation
Give small amounts of information, relate it to the child’s own experiences and leave space for questions later. A child may be curious, relieved, indifferent, worried or need time to process what they have heard.
When should you tell your child?
There is no single age or perfect moment. Consider the child’s developmental understanding, communication needs, emotional readiness and whether they are already asking questions such as:
- “Why is school harder for me?”
- “Why do noises bother me?”
- “Why do I need help with reading?”
- “Why do I forget things?”
- “Why do I feel different?”
Several short conversations often work better than one formal announcement. Choose a calm, familiar place and avoid beginning immediately before school, bedtime or another demanding event.
Before the conversation
Understand the diagnosis
Read the report and ask the assessing team to clarify anything you do not understand.
Consider language
Think about the words your child understands and the language they may prefer as they grow.
Use real examples
Choose examples from your child’s life, including strengths, enjoyable interests and difficult situations.
Check your feelings
Children notice adult anxiety. Process your own fears separately so the diagnosis is not introduced as bad news.
A simple way to explain it
Start with the idea that all brains are different. Then connect the diagnosis to the child’s personal experiences.
Example wording
“Everyone’s brain works in its own way. Your assessment helped us learn more about the way your brain works. The name for some of your brain’s patterns is [autism/ADHD/dyslexia].”
“This can help explain why you are really good at [child’s strength], why you enjoy [interest], and why things such as [difficulty] can sometimes take more effort.”
“You are still exactly the same person. Now we have more information to help us understand what works for you.”
Keep the explanation balanced
A strengths-based explanation should be truthful. It should not turn the diagnosis into a “superpower” if the child is struggling, and it should not focus only on problems.
Include
- Strengths and interests
- Things requiring more effort
- Support and adjustments
- Individual differences
- Hope and honest answers
Avoid
- “Something is wrong with you”
- “This explains everything you do”
- Comparing the child with stereotypes
- Promising the diagnosis will make every difficulty disappear
- Sharing it widely without involving the child
Let your child respond in their own way
A child might ask many questions, change the subject, become upset or appear not to react. None of these responses automatically tells you how they will feel later.
- Validate feelings without trying to immediately change them.
- Say when you do not know an answer and offer to find out together.
- Use drawings, stories, videos or visual worksheets if talking feels difficult.
- Return to the conversation over days, months and years.
- Check what the child understood rather than assuming the message was clear.
Who should know?
Help the child understand that a diagnosis is personal information. They should be involved, in an age-appropriate way, in deciding who is told and how it is explained. Parents may still need to share information with professionals where this is necessary for care, education, safeguarding or support.
Explain that telling a trusted teacher or family member can help them understand what support is needed. Avoid suggesting that the diagnosis must be hidden or that the child must tell everyone.
For children aged 7+
The Lycali Navigate Pathway
Receiving a diagnosis is often the beginning of understanding—not the end of the process. Lycali’s Navigate Pathway supports children aged seven and above to learn about an autism, ADHD or dyslexia diagnosis in an age-appropriate, neuro-affirming way.
The child route includes an initial parent or carer session followed by child-focused sessions. Work is personalised around the child’s communication, strengths, questions, support needs and goals.
Understand the diagnosis using clear, child-friendly language.
Explore interests, abilities and what makes the child feel proud.
Notice situations that are difficult and the support that helps.
Practise asking for help and communicating useful adjustments.
The pathway is not therapy or a reassessment of the diagnosis. It is structured psychoeducation intended to help the child and family understand and use the information meaningfully.
Keep the conversation open
A child’s understanding of diagnosis will change as they grow. Revisit the subject before transitions, when new questions appear or when the child needs different support. The most important message is consistent: the diagnosis has not changed who they are. It gives them and the adults around them better information.
Would your child benefit from support understanding their diagnosis?
Contact Lycali to discuss the Navigate Pathway for children aged 7+, young people and adults.
Contact Lycali